Friends, America is kind of a controversial subject. In fact, the mere fact that we call our country “America” and its citizens “Americans” is seen by our South American neighbors as proof of our supposed arrogance. But in fairness, when the word “America” comes to mind, who pictures Argentina or Uruguay? Nobody, okay? The US isn’t a perfect country by any means. But on the other hand, there are those who insist that America never does anything right, which is also complete BS. In fact, there are plenty of awesome things that Americans should justifiable be proud of. Here is a look at eight of them!
1. Pumpkin Spice Lattes
For some people, coffee with a splash of milk will suffice. But we Americans laugh at your silly, simple methods of enjoying a cup java! Hahahaha! We are nothing if not indulgent and a bit over-the-top. This is why every fall, millions of coffee-drinkers go bananas when a Seattle-based coffee chain that shall remain nameless (no it won’t. It’s Starbucks) brings out its Pumpkin Spice Latte!!! It’s available at their locations everywhere in the world, of course. But it’s America that made it possible. USA #1 YEAH!!!
2. American Football
When most of the world attempts to watch American football, they sort of scratch their heads and think, “So one guy in a helmet and pads hikes the ball to another guy in a helmet and pads who proceeds to hand it off to a third guy in the helmet and pads who proceeds to run a couple of meters, and then falls down. That’s what passes for sport across the pond?” You better believe it does!!! Every Saturday in the fall, 100,000 fans cram into stadiums across America to watch a bunch of 18 year-old college students engage in a battle to see who can kick, throw and run spheroid-shaped ball around the field for 60 minutes. We’re the only country that truly follows this sport (because in my universe, Canada doesn’t exist), and we don’t care what anybody else thinks, all right?
3. Fast Food
McDonalds. Pizza Hut. Subway. KFC (or as a former roommate from Ukraine called it “the one with the old guy”). America. America. America. America. There isn’t anything we won’t deep fry, or throw onto a pizza, or stuff into a sandwich. You’re probably reading this article while waiting for your cheese-crust taco pizza to arrive, yeah? Whoa. You seriously are??? And I was only trying to make a joke!
4. The Statue of Liberty
Quick, what’s the first thing you see when you arrive in America? Okay, it’s McDonalds. Pizza Hut. Subway. KFC. But if you’re an immigrant who travels old school via TransAtlantic ship, you are greeted by the Statue of Liberty once you arrive at the shores of New York City! The largest statue in the US, standing at 151 feet, Lady Liberty says, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” President Piss Mop adds, “But only if you’re from Norway.”
Who’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me? M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!!! If he ever ran for president, I’m confident that he’d win. We elected a cartoon character as president in 2016, so there’s no reason why it can’t happen again. Disney Empire is the epitome of American badassery. Whether we’re talking about the best amusement parks in the world, Star Wars, or the Marvel Universe, in the end we all bow to Disney, our Entertainment Overlords.
6. Red, White and Blue Flags
Red, white and blue national flags are fairly common around the world. It’s the color of the French flag. And the UK. Oh, and Australia. Russia, Czech Republic. Norway. Serbia. Chile. The list goes on and on. But none of these flags are as red, white and blue as the American flag!!! Our flag also features 50 kick-ass stars! By contrast, the Chilean flag only has one star! That’s so lame!
When my father landed in the US for the first time back in the 1970s to start college, he had this idea that all Americans wore cowboy hats. Sadly, this is not true and as Americans we should be ashamed of ourselves for not doing more to make this a reality. But in any event, riding a horse while rounding up cattle and challenging somebody to a duel outside of the saloon for looking at you funny is what makes ‘Merica ‘Merica!!!
8. Mount Rushmore
If you have ever made the misguided decision to visit South Dakota, you know there are really only a few things you can do there: watch the wind blow, watch the wind blow some more, and laugh at North Dakota from a safe distance. And once you’ve had your fun, you might as well check out Mount Rushmore. Called the “Shrine of Democracy” (from back in the charming days when democracy was still a thing) this sculpture in the Black Hills featuring the faces of presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and Theodore Roosevelt. I once told a friend who had visited Mount Rushmore that the faces formed naturally in the granite after years of erosion. She was like, “Really?” “Nope,” I replied. But nothing is impossible in America.