December 25th is that time of the year when you get to spend time with family, eat loads of food, get three pairs of socks from aunts you haven’t seen since last Christmas, and cuddle up in front of the TV and watch Home Alone for the fifteen billionth time.
If you’re looking to mix things up for this year’s Christmas, try considering these manly Christmas movies that manage to bring across all the joy of that jolly good time of the year without resorting to the classic combination of cheesy romantic subplots, slapstick humor and thin plotlines.
Also, guns and explosions.
Lethal Weapon (1987)
Nothing quite says “Christmas” like partnering up a responsible veteran cop (Danny Glover) and a young, near-suicidal cop (Mel Gibson) and giving them a crisis to overcome. Also, Mel Gibson’s late eighties haircut is top tier.
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Not the best of the Iron Man movies, but it’s the only one that fits the Christmas theme (although it was a summer blockbuster, oddly enough). If you’re looking for a movie that has superheroes, explosions, Robert Downey Jr.’s one-liners and a romantic subplot and a seemingly random small child to convince the girlfriend, this is the movie for you.
Die Hard (1988)
Severus Snape, playing German terrorist Hans Gruber, takes over a Christmas party in LA. Thankfully, one of the people present at the party is Bruce Willis’ wife. In the truest of Christmas spirits, he saves her by blowing up or otherwise brutally murdering the terrorists one by one. Who said guys can’t be sensitive?
Just imagine you give a kid a Christmas gift, but it comes with instructions to not do three simple things. In a plot twist that surprised no one, the kid does exactly those things and a bunch of cute little murderous monsters take over the entire town. Should’ve gotten him that LEGO set.
Batman Returns (1992)
Danny DeVito as the Penguin? Check. No George Clooney in a nipple suit? Check. Tim Burton as a director? Check. Arbitrary Christmas setting to make this list? Doublecheck. Arguably the best Batman movie before Batman movies were good, and still a good watch today. Also, Michelle Pfeiffer aged 34 in a leather cat suit. I get the feeling I should’ve mentioned that sooner.
Enemy of the State (1998)
While having almost nothing to do with Christmas, it is set up during the Christmas/Holiday period. And it’s a good movie starring Will Smith, the always incredible Jon Voight and Gene Hackman. Just in case you want to get your political thriller on.
Die Hard 2 (1990)
You know what’s better than one Christmas movie of Bruce Willis blowing everything up? Exactly. Two Christmas movies of Bruce Willis blowing everything up. In Die Hard 2, things once again go south on Christmas Eve. One of the official taglines for the movie was “Die Harder”, so you know what to expect.
Home Alone (1990)
Because we both know that if you don’t let your girlfriend pick the movie, you won’t hear the end of it until next year. Serve with lots of eggnog. And other alcohol. (Gifs somewhat related to my feelings about this movie.)