Remember when you were a kid and you had dreams about a job that was so awesome you never felt like you had to work a day in your life? And then you got your college degree and life smacked those childhood dreams right in the testicles? Well, don’t worry about it too much. Every job has its downsides. Like my old man says: “if we’d love our jobs as much as we claim to, we wouldn’t need to get paid to do ‘em”. That’s not an actual quote from my old man, I just made that up.
Anyway, some people take a shitty job and then own it. You know those job applications you read when you’re looking for a new position and you think “who does that shit?” Well, some people do that shit. And I pray every day to Baby Elvis that these people get paid the wage they should. But we all know they don’t. They come home after a day that’s 10 times as horrible as yours with the same wage.
Avoiding the obvious strange job – being Dr. Strange – let’s take a look at some strange jobs that will make you feel better about your job. Unless it’s on this list, in which case you have my sincerest condolences.
10. Breath Odor Evaluator
Are you a team player with a strong sense of hygiene and a hands-on attitude? Join our mouth care company for a job with flexible hours and a rewarding salary of minimum wage added with our endless pity. You get to smell that stinky stank breath until our breath mints do their work. Do they do the job? – we don’t know. That’s why we’re looking for you! Apply now! Call 555-I-NEED-A-BETTER-JOB!
9. Duck Master
While this may sound cool, you essentially take care of hotel pond ducks. And you get to parade them around the grounds. It’s like being a Pokémon master, but there’s no fighting involved and no one wants to trade you.
8. Ash Portrait Artist
Yup, this is a real thing. A company in Virginia actually hires people to paint portraits with the ashes of dead people. I should hope the portraits are of the dead people, I’d hate to find out someone used my ashes to paint a portrait of Prince. I mean, I guess I’d sort of appreciate it. Sort of. Is the picture relevant because it’s a portrait of Ash from The Evil Dead?
7. Professional Mourner
In Africa and Asia, you can hire people to cry at funerals. Perfect if the deceased was actually a huge asshole but you want to be in denial for the entire funeral service.
6. Iceberg Mover
In the category “jobs that could’ve saved the Titanic”, some people get paid to move icebergs. They also get the added benefit of genuinely being able to use the pick-up line “honey, I’d move mountains for you”. Apart from that, pretty much no benefits whatsoever involved in this job.
5. Professional Ear Cleaner
Thanks, India. I guess that’s the kind of jobs you have to invent to keep an economy running with over 1 billion people in your country.
4. Ostrich Babysitter
In South Africa, it’s an actual job to babysit ostriches. You know, like how normal people do with kids. But with ostriches. Because why the hell not.
3. Chicken Sexer
I know what you’re thinking, because I was thinking it too. Thankfully, this job has nothing to do with actual sex. This job exists to find out if the chick is male or female. Chick as in “young chicken”, not the “ambiguous looking female your best mate is talking to in the somewhat dark club.” That’s not a chicken sexer, that’s called a wingman. Or a suicide bomber, if it turns out to not be a chick after all. A moment of silence for our brothers fallen in the fields of battle.
2. Paint Drying Watcher
Remember those situations where people say “it was so boring, I felt like I was watching paint dry”? Well, it’s an actual job. It has to do with making sure the paint stays durable as it dries, and also with trying to drive your employee mentally insane in three hours.
As the name would suggest, the weirdest job on this list can only be done in Japan. An Oshiya is someone who gets paid to – and that’s literally all there is to it – push people onto trains. That’s your job. That fat, sweaty guy that can’t quite get that last asscheek onto the train so the doors can close? PUSH IT! PUSH IT REAL GOOD!