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5 Small Things That Kill Intimacy In Marriage


In new relationships, lust and intimacy are things we take for granted. However, though things can start out hot and heavy, it’s easy to fall into an inevitable pattern, as many committed couples do. The intimacy slows down, and things start becoming more routine. The moments that used to be exciting start to feel like a boring chore.

Recognizing the shift in intimacy can be challenging, but it’s not a dead-end. You may not recapture the same initial excitement (especially when you’re so familiar with each other now), but you’re far from doomed. Your love life doesn’t have to conform to the stereotypical cliché that long-term committed couples are expected to fall into. There’s room for growth, improvement, and rekindling the spark.

But what exactly are the things that ruin intimacy and prevent passion in a long-term relationship? Read on to find out and see what you can do about it.

1. Not having enough time

Finding time to connect can be tough if your work schedules and circadian rhythms don’t align. Does one partner work very long hours? Is one of you a night owl while the other is a morning bird? These time challenges can feel like a lot to manage daily, but even if your plate is consistently full, you must make time for physical intimacy in long-term relationships. 

If you still have trouble syncing up your schedules, consider implementing “quickie” ways of connecting throughout your busy schedules, such as daily touch, expressing gratitude, and reliving old memories. You can also make room for an intimate time by scheduling it (though it may not be as exciting as the spontaneous romps in the beginning) and prioritizing sleep so that you’re in the mood more often. 

2. Not having enough energy

It’s simple. To have intimacy, you need energy. People burn more calories getting down and dirty than they do running a mile. If you already fit exercise into your busy day, the thought of being intimate can be even more exhausting. Even if you don’t have kids or prepare dinner nightly for a family, you can still feel knackered at the end of the day.

The solution? Slowing down. Though it can sometimes feel impossible, slowing down in the age of speed and focusing on quality of life rather than being efficient is extremely important. It’s all about balance! Making healthier decisions (eating better and sleeping more) can also boost energy.

Smiling more is also a hidden power that not many know about. It can make us feel even better than eating chocolate and has benefits for longevity and overall well-being.

3. Physical/mental health factors create a lack of interest in intimacy

When it comes to mental and physical health problems, you might need some help from a medical relationship, but there are plenty of matters you can take into your own hands. 

Along with making healthier lifestyle choices like eating better, sleeping more, and exercising regularly, you also need to communicate with your partner. 

If you have different intimate tastes, find a middle ground that will make you more compatible. For women, things like foreplay and self-pleasure can be essential to keeping the fire going. Although discussing intimacy can be awkward, it’s essential to talk about it, especially as you get older.

4. Not having enough knowledge

No matter what age you are, being intimately satisfied can be frustrating. Even if you’re passionately connected to your partner and madly in love with them, putting in all the effort, things don’t always add up. That’s because our bodies often don’t know what they need to be satisfied.

Luckily, there’s a wealth of information online. After doing some research on what you might like, the right pleasure device can help you figure out how to keep you satisfied in the bedroom.

5. Not having enough goodwill

Even the best long-term relationships have their low moments. Take your pick: disagreements, stressful life circumstances, finances, having kids, and in-laws are just a few of the things that can get between a couple. You’re not always going to feel obsessed with them. Sometimes, they might genuinely irritate you.

Physical distance only worsens these issues, and their pressure can negatively affect your love life. Therefore, having some strategies in your back pocket can be helpful. 

The most important takeaways are:

  • Learn how to compromise with your partner
  • Lay ground rules for fighting and facing conflict that allow you to connect simultaneously
  • Know that conflicts can arise due to a difference in understanding between how men and women operate