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Ridiculously Awesome Things to Buy When You Become a Millionaire


Since the economy is doing so fantastic, it makes sense to start thinking about what we can spend all those sweet millions on. Having the dough in the bank is one thing, but having a collection of the most awesome things on the planet is a completely different thing entirely.
The first thing every rich person needs is a house. Come to think of it, that’s what everyone needs. And once you have your house, you put it full of cool and expensive shit. Why? Because you’re rich. You don’t ask questions, since asking questions won’t make you any richer.
Let’s take a look at some awesome things to put in your rich-peoples’ house, so you can architecturally differentiate yourself from the filthy plebs living in small houses. Boo!



A hanging bed
Because rich people sleep wherever they want! I’ll hang this flying saucer of comfort right over the goddamn stove if I want to! I’m rich!



Water slide to connect bedroom to pool
Because no one wants to wake up, go for a swim and realize that they need to take the stairs to get to their indoor heated pool.

Bedroom with sliding walls
First a waterslide, now sliding walls? What doesn’t slide in this bedroom! NOTHING! EVERYTHING SLIDES!



A secret room
Honestly, if this wasn’t #1 on your list, you don’t deserve to be rich. Think of that next time you pay your bills.

Underground garage
Also don’t forget to get a more expensive car.



Wine storage cabinet
Granted, I couldn’t drink long enough to actually keep this properly filled, but it does look very nice.

Disco ball cement mixer
It’s exactly what it sounds like. I’ll have three of those for my underground parking lot, please. Friday nights, we take the cars outside and have the best pool party in the goddamn world.

Glass floor bathroom for above your elevator shaft
The one situation where shit could actually hit the fan. And pretty much everything else on its way down.



Cat transit system
Choo choo, here comes the cat train!

Eastern palace lamp
Got a room that looks too mundane for your elevated stature? Put one of these bad boys in there. It’s like a disco ball for cultured folk.