We all like looking at animals. They’re usually a lot more graceful than human beings and, well, they don’t bother you with stories about how everything is going to hell at work because that one chick from accounting just can’t get her work done on time and it’s really pissing off your boss, who is just not fun to be around and is creating a very hostile environment for you to grow in as the beautiful human being that you are. Nope, animals are emotionally either neutral, hungry, sleepy or horny. Elegant and simple.
Anyway, unlike that bitch from accounting, animals can be very beautiful on the outside. But since there’s no such thing as an annual “Miss Animal Kingdom” pageant, we’ll just list out the top 11 most beautiful animals in the world. According to us. Because we know our beautiful animal shit like no one else does.
11. Mandarin Fish
Just look at how majestic this fucker is. LOOK AT IT!
10. Fennec Fox
Fennec foxes have huge ears, but I’m sure you had that figured out by now. They’re mighty cute though! You can only find these in the Sahara desert, so bring water!
Also known as the “gay bar crab”. Go find ‘em in the Indo Pacific! Or don’t, since it’s pretty goddamn huge and these disco light crabs are pretty damn small.
8. Mandarin Duck
Much like the non-Asian ducks, but with a glorious mullet and loads of colors. Beautiful bastard.
7. Poison Dart Frog
Sounds like a ninja, don’t it? But since he’s central/south American, that would be geographically odd. He’s just a colorful happy little reptile. And he’s really tiny, which makes him even cuter.
6. Green Tree Python
This snake has some amazingly vibrant green colors going on. It’s a beautiful thing. And he only grows to about two meters, so, no Anaconda shit.
5. Emerald Swallowtail Butterfly
Primarily found in forests in South-East Asia, this is easily one of the most majestic creatures to walk this earth. Or fly. Or float. Or just hang out. Butterflies do as butterflies do.
4. Zanzibar Red Colobus
This little monkey looks like me when I had my first hangover. Wish I was kidding. It was a glorious one.
3. White Tiger
We already know this guy is gorgeous – he’s like the zebra of the feline world.
2. Crown Jellyfish
You may not want to high five this one, but you can sure as hell appreciate him from a safe distance. Or get someone to pee on you afterwards.
That’s right, our most beautiful animal is none other than Sylvester Stallion. What? That’s not how you write that? Well, this is awkward. It’s Miss Universe 2015 all over again. Apparently it’s just a regular old black stallion! Hurrah to the winner!