Why do folks — especially Americans — fall for conspiracy theories? Because there’s something exciting about thinking you’re in on something that the rest of the public is too naive to see. They’re all sheep, you see. The truth is out there in the form of such things as blurry photographs and anonymous internet posts that are taken at face value. So what are the weirdos believing in these days? Here are 6 popular conspiracies that have been making their way across discussion boards and social media.
6. Lorde is actually in her late 30s or even early 40s!
The New Zealand musical prodigy Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O’Connor, who goes by the stage name Lorde, wrote the hit song “Royals” at the tender age of 16. The lyrics are so mature and the melody is so elegant that she’s clearly wise beyond her years. This can only mean one thing: she must be faking her age! There’s no possible way that she could have been born on November 7, 1996! What’s the evidence? Sometimes she looks older, which tends to happen when a young woman wears makeup. Oh, but what about the fact that she claimed to have been a teenager when Virgin Suicides came out in 1999? Or that she let it “slip out” in an interview with Vanity Fair that she’s actually 45? Maybe — just maybe! — she enjoys screwing with the Truthers.
5. Eminem died and has secretly been replaced!
Say, have you noticed that Eminem no longer looks the way he did at the prime of his career when he was in his late 20s/early 30s? It could be that he’s 47 and simply aging naturally. His weight as fluxulated and he does have a history of drug addiction, so of course he must have died. Or was even a victim of a car accident. Or most likely the Illuminati was devastated when he refused to join their organization, so they had him wrapped in a carpet and thrown off a bridge. So then how do you explain that he’s still around making music, giving interviews and whatnot? He must have been cloned! Or more likely a cyborg.
4. The Beatles never actually existed!
The claim here is that there wasn’t just a single John, Paul, Ringo and George but a collection of multiple body-doubles used through the years to give the illusion that they were a band. According to a woman named Dorie who runs a website that fosters these claims, the “real” Paul McCartney was killed in a car accident in 1966 and that he had no fewer than 12 body doubles. The “evidence” is a collection of photos taken throughout the years showing changes in his face. In addition, there were 3 John Lennons. However, the number of Georges and Ringos has never been established and blah blah blah.
3. Courtney Love had hubby Kurt Cobain whacked!
On April 5, 1994, the frontman for Nirvana was found dead in his home from a shotgun to the head. It was ruled a suicide and he had even left behind a note. So why do some people — including private investigator Tom Grant — think Love had something to do with it? For starters, when he overdosed on drugs a month earlier in Rome, Love suggested that it was a suicide attempt, although that has been disputed. In other words, by claiming Cobain was suicidal, Love could lay the groundwork for having him killed without raising any suspicions. There have also been claims that Cobain was actually perfectly happy at the time he died. Grant insists the lack of fingerprints on the gun and the fact that the singer had three times the lethal amount of heroin in his system and yet was somehow capable of putting the drugs away and pulling the trigger was simply too fishy to conclude he had killed himself.
2. Stevie Wonder isn’t actually blind!
Okay, admittedly this one kind of sounds intriguing. Here’s the deal: in 1950 when Stevie Wonder was born 6 weeks premature, he was placed in an incubator that was over-oxygenized, leaving him blind. Of course, this didn’t stop him from becoming a musical legend who plays a mean piano and harmonica. But there are some interesting holes in the story. Many have noted how his songs contain rich, visual imagery that wouldn’t be consistent with somebody who can’t see. In addition, a few years ago he was caught taking a photo of a Michael Jackson wax statue. Why? So that he could have it described to him at a later time? Then there’s the video of him catching a microphone before it drops to the ground. Gotta be honest here: those reflexes seem more cat-like than bat-like. Finally, the late basketball star “Chocolate Thunder” Darryl Dawkins (who was given his nickname by Stevie himself) once suggested that Wonder’s blindness was just a ruse. Whether it’s true or not, it certainly explains why the musical legend insists on courtside seats at NBA games when you wouldn’t expect an actual blind person to care how close they are to the action.
1. Democrats drink the blood of babies!
Known as the Qanon conspiracy, it even claims a few nutty members of Congress as adherents. The narrative is so insane and dangerous that virtually all social media platforms ban videos and posts about it. It’s convoluted and nonsensical, but in a nutshell it claims the Democratic Party is full of people who drink their blood in order to gain immortality, and that then-president Donald Trump and JFK Jr (who faked his airplane crash death 20 years ago) were going to order the arrest Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and other high profile Democrats, sending them down to Guantanamo Bay to be summarily executed. Of course, Trump is now out of office, JFK Jr never emerged, and none of this ended up happening. But true Qanon believers simply come up with new stories to explain all of this away. The newest theory is that Trump is still secretly president and that it’s only a matter of time before he returns to the White House. Sigh.
