As kids growing up in whatever decade we all happened to have grown up in – ‘cause it really doesn’t matter – we dreamed about a day when things like broccoli and brown rice would be banned, and the only thing permitted according to federal law was cookie dough ice cream for breakfast, Meat Lover’s pizza for lunch, and Count Chocula cereal for dinner. While this ultimately did not happen, we did discover that as adults we were free to eat cookie dough ice cream every morning breakfast, Meat Lover’s pizza for every lunch and Count Chocula cereal with our glass of evening brandy if that’s what we so choose. But only if you planned to live to the ripe old age of 24. With that in mind, let’s dive deep into our past and fondly remember these 12 snacks, desserts and treats from our childhood.
Remember as a kid sitting around the campfire roasting marshmallows and then sandwiching them between pieces of chocolate and graham crackers? If so, your childhood was far more exciting than mine. I had the privilege of eating s’mores too, but it just isn’t the same when you’re microwaving the marshmallows and snarfing them down at the kitchen table. By the way, s’mores are strictly for children. If you’re an adult who still eats these, you’re a very sad person, and that in turn makes me sad.
2. Chocolate covered strawberries
If you were one of those kids who wasn’t getting enough fruit in your diet, covering strawberries in chocolate probably did the trick. The best way to do it was to go to a high-end brunch where they had one of those fancy pansy chocolate fountains. If that’s not something that made you feel like a regular swell, there’s not much more I can do for you.
3. 3D Doritos
Full confession: as insane as it might sound, I don’t believe I’ve ever actually eaten cheese-flavored Doritos in my life. Some of the other flavor varieties, yes. But not the nacho cheese. In any event, if regular 2D Doritos float your boat, you were no doubt intrigued when they introduced these guys in 3D form back in 1998. But obviously not intrigued enough as they were discontinued in 2004.
4. Pop Tarts
First of all, the only Pop Tarts worth eating were the ones covered in frosting. Here was my strategy when chowing down on these bad boys: I would grudgingly nibble on the edges of the square first which 1.) didn’t contain frosting or filling and 2.) tasted like cardboard as a result. But once I got that out of the way, sugary, chewy bliss was my reward. Do be aware that if you were the kind of person who ate these straight from the wrapping without first putting them in the toaster to get them nice and warm, you were a straight up lazy sucker.
5. Ring Pops
Every 2nd grade dude knows that if they’re looking to get engaged but can’t yet afford to buy his girl a ring, Ring Pops would more than suffice. Of course, upon discovering that she preferred the taste of paste over that big-ass green-blue swirly quasi fruit flavored diamond, the mock wedding ceremony scheduled for recess later that afternoon would inevitably be called off.
6. Minute Maid Frozen Juice bars
Drinking Minute Maid fruit juices was immensely satisfying, so imagine the glee I always felt when consuming them in frozen form. In my day, it was pretty much just frozen sugar water. Today these are made with 100% fruit juice, but before you get too excited, keep in mind that as far as your body is concerned there really isn’t much that distinguishes juice from sugar water, no matter what you may have been told.
7. Cookie Crisp
Overprotective parents are probably horrified at the idea that a breakfast cereal meant to recreate the taste of chocolate chip cookies is still being sold at the local grocery stores. But let me tell you something: I ate this cereal all the time when I was a child and look at me now. I’m a mentally stable, well-adjusted adult with a master’s degree who is able to find time to write articles for Brainberries. If I can succeed, so can your kids!
Packaging crackers, meat and cheese is admittedly a pretty brilliant idea, but only because parents are good at finding excuses for not wanting to spend the 30 seconds it takes to make their kids actual sandwiches. For a short while, my mom would send me off to school with these. Knowing I wasn’t a big fan of bologna, she opted for the turkey instead. It all came to a crashing halt once she discovered they contained unhealthy levels of sodium and more saturated fat than the daily recommended amount. But it was fun while it lasted.
9. Planter’s Cheez Balls
As with the Doritos, I didn’t dare touch these corn balls as the thought of cheese-flavored dust repulsed me. But I definitely remember my childhood friend Gordon being a huge fan of this snack, and he will undoubtedly feel nostalgic next time I bring up the topic of Cheez Balls, which went the way of the Dodo bird in 2006 and then in 2019 were brought back to existence, sort of like the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park.
If you were too young to remember the mid-90s, then you definitely would have no recollection of Viennetta ice cream. It consisted of layers of ice cream ruffles and a thin, hard chocolate coating. I remember it only being available during the Thanksgiving/Christmas holiday season at first, but at some point the folks at Breyers decided to sell it whenever you damn well wanted to feel like royalty, but only had $3 to spare.
11. Girl Scout Cookies
At our household, we were never fans of people ringing our doorbell and trying to sell us cutlery, their version of Jesus, or cheap whiskey. But if it was little girls in green skirts bearing cookies, my parents sure the hell weren’t going to refuse. My personal favorites were the caramel deLites and peanut butter patties, although I have no idea how anybody would opt for the Lemonades. Who’s with me???
12. Lucky Charms, but just the marshmallows
I never understood why Lucky Charms even bothered with those stale oat thingies when we all know the marshmallows were the only things worth eating in this cereal. General Mills obviously took the hint when, back in 2017, they promoted 10,000 boxes of Lucky Charms that only contained the marshmallows. Now all they have to do is sell all of their boxes that way.