Let’s have a discussion about Coca-Cola for a bit. This is serious stuff. The sinister overlords at Big Brown Sugar Water are using their beverage to control humanity’s minds. Ahhh!!! Time to spaz out!!! Because the Coca-Cola Company is this huge multinational corporation, there is an assumption they’re always up to something sneaky and mischievous. What is Coca-Cola, precisely? Battery acid with added caramel color? Unicorn blood? Whatever gets mopped up from a school cafeteria floor and then put in a bottle or can? Since we’re not interested in getting sued, we’re going to empathically answer with “None of the above.” But because they’re one of the world’s most well-known companies, it is inevitable that people will concoct stories and spread rumors. It comes with the territory. But we at Brainberries are once again ready to tackle these lies head on because we’re so bold! Check out these 8 Coca-Cola myths that you would never believe in a million years because, come on, you’re not that gullible!
1. Coke still contains coke
If you’re a hard-partying celebrity – and it is well established that our website is incredibly popular among the rich and famous – then you know that binging on coke (small c) is the only way to keep up. But for the rest of us peasants who can’t afford to snort foo-foo dust on a regular basis, Coca-Cola serves as a cheap way to get high. Right? Sorry to disappoint you if you thought Coke still contains blow. Alternatively, if you were worried that it does, happy to please you! Rest assured, the fine folks at Coca-Cola Company stopped adding cocaine to their concoction back in 1903. However, the beverage does contain a cocaine-free coca leaf extract. Sort of a bonus fact just for you!
2. New Coke was a diabolical conspiracy
So here’s the deal: At the end of WWII, Coke held a 60% share of the soft drink market. By 1983 it had fallen to under 24% and, in fact, the only reason they weren’t behind rival Pepsi is because of their exclusive rights deals with sports venues and fast food restaurants. Turns out that most folks preferred the sweeter taste of Pepsi. So Coca-Cola decided to test out a new, sweeter formula. It scored so well in taste tests – people preferred it to both Pepsi and original Coke – that they used it to replace the original formula altogether. Initially, sales actually improved. But it didn’t last. Turns out that people grow really attached to things, such as teddy bears, old slippers, and apparently soft drink recipes. The backlash was immense and sales of New Coke plummeted. Within three months, the original recipe returned and they managed to increase their market share. But the idea that they secretly knew it would fail – and waste all that money on R&D and advertisements in the process – so that they could then manufacture a comeback probably gives these flakey executives too much credit.
3. Coca-Cola is anti-Semetic
Huge, multinational companies like Coca-Cola certainly have an agenda, but it isn’t what you think. It is true that from the 40s through the 60s, Coca-Cola did not sell its product in Israel, but it had everything to do with boycott threats from the broader Middle East, which contained far more mouths with which to guzzle their fizzy syrup drink. In the late 60s, Coca-Cola faced a Jewish boycott in America, causing them to change their tune and sell the product in Israel. The Arab League in turn made good on its boycott threat. In other words, Coca-Cola was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and ultimately did what was best for its business interests. Subsequently, the Arab League lifted its boycott in 1991, and now there is nothing but peace and harmony throughout the world.
4. A tooth will dissolve in a glass of Coca-Cola
This one has been tested an infinite number of times. Search it on YouTube. This rumor is almost certainly based on the actual fact that drinking too much soda will lead to erosion of the enamel. But here’s something to consider: the acidity levels of Coca-Cola are lower than orange juice and vinegar. But somehow they are never subjected to the same falsehoods.
5. Coca-Cola doubles as an all-purpose cleaner
Try this neat little trick for yourself: prick your finger, squeeze a few drops of blood onto a carpet to leave a stain, poor a glass of Coke onto the carpet, and really rub it in there. *Tada* You’re left with a brown, sticky mess. Just like magic! A few sprays of white vinegar and then a sprinkle of baking soda is a million times more reasonable, guys.
6. Coca-Cola used to run ads targeting infants
There are a lot of hilariously disturbing vintage ads out there. One camp of doctors are like, “Smoke Camels, man!” while another counter that Lucky Strikes are a better option for the health conscious. People sure were naive and dumb back in the 1950s, am I right? While those ads are true, one particular advertisement encouraging parents to get their babies started on Coca-Cola at an early age was entirely made up for fun. But once an image gets out there, everybody takes it at face value because the internet is never wrong.
7. Coca-Cola + Pop Rocks = Certain Doom
When you consume Pop Rocks, it leaves a weird (and even slightly painful) stinging sensation. But mild self-harm is all part of the fun! So the story goes that if you mix this candy with Coca-Cola, the chemical reaction results in a violent explosion. I really want to believe that this one is true, but I know it isn’t. But it would be pretty nifty if it were, right? No, not if you were the victim.
