You really can’t eat fast food anymore without adding some juice of the Gods, also known as “sauce”. I’m not talking about any culinary sauce that’s all full of flavor – I’m talking about the good ol’ “squeeze ‘em out of a tube” sauces. And like with humans, sauces have a very simple rule: hotter is always better. Unlike humans, however, sauces have an official hotness scale: the Scoville meter. This scale was invented purely to put a number on how badly a chili pepper will mess you up if you eat it.
Let’s take a look at the hottest sauces. Why? Because that’s what badasses have for dinner. And breakfast. We don’t eat lunch. It’s just not our thing.
Henry’s Hot Sauce Carolina Reaper
The name sounds ominous enough, and at about 1 million Scoville units it’s sure to set your mouth on fire. Twice! It’s based on peppers, like you’d expect from a hot sauce.
Mad Dog 357 Gold Edition
Despite the Carolina Reaper’s 1 million units being just from the Reaper brand of peppers, this bottle has the same amount of units but contains a blend that also has “Plutonium Extract” in it – an extract of peppers that measures up to 9 million Scoville units when you drink it in its pure form. Not sure if this might kill you, but I’d not risk it.
Crazy Uncle Jester’s Spontaneous Combustion
It’s called “spontaneous combustion”, has 1.1 million Scoville units and is based on Habanero peppers. That should be plenty of information for you to decide that this probably isn’t the most healthy thing for you to eat/drink.
Torchbearer Sauces’ The Rapture
With the word “rapture”, we usually think about God saving all the worthy humans. We don’t think of a 1.2 million Scoville unit sauce based on Habanero peppers mixed with Trinidad scorpion – whatever that is.
Blair’s Ultra Death Sauce
It sounds pretty ominous and extreme, being called “ultra death” and all that, but it’s “just” a 1.3 million Scoville units sauce that’s made out of Habanero, cayenne, serrano and jolokia peppers. If none of these names mean anything to you, that’s a surefire way to know your mouth hasn’t burnt off yet.
PuckerButt Pepper Company Reaper Squeezins
Now we’re getting to the real stuff. Remember those Carolina reaper peppers the first two sauces were based on? Well, this one is based on those peppers too, but has a whopping 2.2 million Scoville units.
Pepper Palace Hottest Sauce In The Universe – 2nd Dimension
Let me start off by saying this is in fact not the hottest sauce in the universe. It’s a decent attempt with its 3.5 million Scoville units, but there’s still a few hotter sauces out there.
Bumblefoot’s Bumblef**ked
I’m sure some of you know that Bumblefoot is in fact a guitarist that used to play for Guns ‘n Roses when Axl wasn’t talking to Slash. He created his own hot sauce, which has 6 million Scoville units and will melt your face off harder than his guitar solos.
Heavenly Heat Meet Your Maker Retribution Sauce
If a sauce has a name this long, you know it’s going to be a good one. This Ghost pepper-based sauce has 6 million Scoville units and will in fact let you meet your maker if you drink enough of it.
CaJohns Black Mamba 6 Get Bitten
Despite being made of chocolate habaneros and being relatively cheap (considering how usually hotter means more expensive), this sauce also has an amazing 6 million Scoville units. Online reviews claim this sauce will “make your face go numb”.
