Humans have six basic senses: hearing, smell, taste, touch, sight, and seeing dead people. We would love to tell you about all of them, but we’re kind of busy right now. It’s almost naptime, you see. But let’s do this as a compromise: we will share some amazing facts about sound that are sure to please and/or damage your eardrums. For maximum effectiveness, ask a friend or random stranger to read the article out loud and enjoy the sensation of their rich, deep, baritone voice vibrating against your cochlea.
Sound Cannot Be Heard in Space
Remember near the end of Star Wars Episodes 1, 4, 6, and 7 when the good guys blow up a Trade Federation Control Ship, Death Star, Death Star 2, and Planet That Has Been Converted Into a Super Huge Death Star Thingy, respectively? The sound of the explosions must have been insane, right? Actually, you were fed a bunch of lies. Yoda is real. But sounds in space? Not so much. You see, sound is created when air molecules vibrate into our ears. But since air molecules don’t exist in space, there can be no sound. So next time you watch a science fiction movie with friends, demand that it be played on mute. You might lose your friends forever, but at least the film will gain scientific accuracy!
A Whip Crackin’ Good Time
When a problem comes along, what must you do? Whip it, obviously. And what should you do before the cream sits out too long? You know the answer! Whooo-pish!!! Whip it real good! When you bust out a whip – as you are wont to do – the loud cracking sound is the result of the tip moving so quickly that it actually breaks the sound barrier! As for the subsequent sounds of “Thank you, Sir! May I have another?” we can only speculate. And speculate we will, you kinky chipmunk you!
The Loudest Natural Sound on Earth Does Not Come From Donald Trump
Once upon a time, back in 1883 – long before TikTok, Impossible Burgers, and sweet n’ juicy Brainberries – the Krakatoa volcano in Indonesia erupted, producing the loudest natural sound ever recorded. In fact, it was so loud that the sound ruptured the eardrums of unfortunate folks as far as 40 miles away! So now you know that contrary to popular belief, the current loudmouth occupying the Oval Office does not produce the loudest sounds on earth. But he comes in a close second.
Flies are Deaf
Whoever came up with the name “fly” to describe these flying insects must have been super lazy. Here are some other amazing truths about flies: They can fly fast. They do their buzzy buzzy thing. They annoy the hell out of us. Also, they lack the ability to hear. Yes, that’s right! When you scold flies for invading your personal space, it literally falls on deaf ears. So when a frustrated Chris Tucker asks, “Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?” we are confident that a fly would answer, “Huh?”
Sound Travels Faster in Water Than By Air
Have you ever tried to talk to somebody but found yourself growing impatient because it takes so long for the sounds of your voice to reach their ears? It could be that they’re just ignoring you, but it’s unlikely because you’re such an interesting person. If you really want to make yourself heard, might we suggest talking to them underwater? The speed of sound travels is more than 4 times faster in water than by air. So what are you waiting for? Throw an unsuspecting friend or coworker into a swimming pool and let’s start talkin’!
Along the Same Lines, a Whale’s Song Travels Impossibly Far
When a whale communicates in the hauntingly beautiful language of weird screeches and grunts, it can be heard from really, really far distances in the ocean. Exactly how far seems to be in dispute. Phys.org says it’s around 600 miles. National Geographic is like, “thousands of miles” while the renown scientific journal/tabloid trash publication the Daily Mail claims it’s 4000 miles. On the other hand, JourneyNorth.org claims it can travel up to 10,000 miles. So nobody really seems to know exactly. Awkward. Anyway, if you care to know, here are the lyrics to a whale’s song: ooooooooh, oooooooh, oooooooooh, wuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!
Cows Love Them Some Good Music
Say, remember back in college when you were playing Disasterpiece on Spotify, your roommate would walk in, just stand there and be completely absorbed by the screams and unintelligible shouting coming out of Slipknot’s mouths? That’s just like cows! Sort of. But not really. A few years ago, researchers at the University of Leicester discovered that when cows listen to relaxing music, they really dig it! In fact, they even produce more milk as they enjoy the soothing sounds of jazz. So next time you’re chugging milk during a long distance race on a hot summer day, you might regret this decision, but in a weird, indirect way you can blame Kenny G.
